Accounts from a gay mental health provider in his 50s
Before Ember
I was very depressed, driven in part by repeated attempts to make psychiatric meds work for me over the past two years. I’ve struggled primarily with depression, some anxiety, and have been sober for a long time. SSRIs are the only thing that have worked for me, but I also can’t tolerate them.
Given my profile, my psychiatrist suggested ketamine treatment. I was willing to try something new, and didn’t want to go on another medication. My therapist was concerned, thinking “you're doing K, you’re going to relapse.” But this treatment isn’t like going on the dance floor and starting “K.” Ketamine therapy has been very well studied for depression.
My psychiatrist told me that there’s good data on this treatment. He explained what it was, how it works, and how people who get the treatment will likely need boosters over time. He also noted how there are minimal to no side effects.
He specifically recommended Ember Health. As a mental health provider, I know there are a lot of players who provide ketamine therapy. Ember comes up often as a clinic that has a better reputation, which was confirmed when I began care.
The Experience
One of the most important parts of my ketamine infusion was being in the office with another person there with me the entire time. It helped me understand some of my own issues with asking for help from people.
The ketamine treatments were a rigorous experience for me psychologically. I didn’t come out and feel like, “I’m high as a kite and I want to keep going back to do it.” It wasn’t a walk in the park. And yet, I think the semi-conscious experiences of the treatment are just as important as the unconscious, chemical changes to the brain.
It was fascinating how, as more ketamine got into my system and I lost a sense of self, I became aware of how hard it was for me to ask for help from someone in the room. It was like I couldn’t open my mouth. One time, I asked the nurse who was working with me to put her hand on mine. When the session was through, I realized I had been able to ask for the help I needed, and it was a big breakthrough.
I think that having someone else present during treatment is as important an ingredient as the drug itself. I just don’t see how people would get that at home by themselves. It feels like you’re reinforcing isolation in a way. I don’t see this as an isolated experience - you have to bring other people in.
The Impact I’ve Felt
The treatment worked almost immediately, and the experience itself gave me insight in ways that surprised me. It has stimulated my creativity in thinking about myself and how I function in the world. I could talk for hours about how it introduced aspects of my own psyche - how it gives you access to parts of your mind that you just can’t have in a conscious state - but that’s a whole other topic.
Since I’ve started the treatment, it’s given me what it promised; a state of mind that is more neutral. I don’t have to feel overly euphoric or crushed about things. Experiencing that stability without side effects, and the support of a real, genuine, caring team delivering something backed up by science, that works, gives me hope that there is a medical treatment for me.
I’m from the era when SSRIs were introduced. They were the only thing that worked for me but they caused me a lot of problems. I have been struggling with mental health issues for a long time. I’m open about that and it’s part of why I work in this field. I’m now on a much lower dose of my SSRIs and hoping I can eventually get off of them.
With this experience, I feel more hope about living a life that isn’t bound by a guessing game, a russian roulette with medications. This is the first time that I’ve found a possible way out of the SSRI roller coaster that I’ve been on for all of these years. This treatment has given me hope for improving my mental health in ways that have not been offered to me before.