Accounts from a stay at home dad and international athlete

Before Ember

After 25 years of therapy, I was still waking up struggling every day. My lived experience was one of negativity and feeling overwhelmed. 

When the pandemic started, I left my job to take care of the kids, allowing my wife to focus on her career. Both of us parenting while working wasn’t remotely sustainable. I wasn’t built to be with anyone 24x7, which led to a super stressful couple of years. I’m always very careful when I say “suicidal thoughts” - but to give a sense of where my headspace was, let’s just say it was not good. I felt constrained by not being able to travel. At times when my family went to touch me, I would flinch from the contact though they’re the people I love most in the world. I was considering returning to Peru to continue my work with ayahuasca, because my situation didn’t feel sustainable. I needed something. 

One day, while listening to a podcast, the hosts brought up a ketamine clinic that was in New York City, and I was like, “Wait, I can do this in New York?!” So I did some research and found Ember Health. I spoke with the doctor in the Brooklyn office, and the word “psychedelic” came up only once in the conversation. I made note of this, as it was clear Ember was not riding the wave of the emergence of psychedelic medicine in our society, as some of their peers are. Instead, they were focused on how they can help patients - on research-driven care, the desired outcomes and results, and ketamine as a tool to achieve them. It wasn’t all painted with smiles and sunshine, and that felt important.

My Experience

I was compelled from day one with Ember by the fact that they wanted to engage directly with my therapist. I trust her implicitly, she has an open mind, and she had even helped me manage what had come up from years of work with ayahuasca. 

Since I’ve started treatments with Ember, I’ve found this partnership model even more compelling, as I’m able to receive my infusions, and connect directly with my therapist with no middle therapist in the process.

I enjoy going to the infusions at Ember – I make connections, it’s great, it’s easy, it’s painless, and respectful. The staff talks to me honestly. In the sessions themselves, the team works very hard on the context - the set and setting - and it shows. Even the technology used to manage appointments, care, and insurance is low-key and reflective of the treatment goals. I even bought one of the coloring books they make available in the reflection area for my home.

The Impact I’ve Felt

The changes ketamine sessions brought were seemingly instant. To be clear, there is a two-week set of four foundational treatments. After those four, I saw noticeable improvements. Better yet, so did my wife. It’s worked so profoundly for me. I just seem to have more perspective.

One example of this change is from a recent doctor’s appointment I went to across the City for a different medical issue. It turned out they had booked me with the wrong doctor and that my doctor wasn’t even in the office that day. In the past, under stress, I’d have become agitated, “I just wasted an hour because you screwed up!” But instead, my reaction was, “No worries, it’s okay.” My inside was as calm as I always try to be on the outside. In the past, I would have broken boundaries in a real negative and angry way. Now, the anger didn’t even exist on the inside as something I had to suppress. 

For me, that’s a profound change, and a new, very personal experience. If I notice that I’m getting agitated, I think of what I can do to avoid expressing my frustration through anger, as I know anger won’t change anything. Before ketamine, I would have known rationally and understood that I shouldn’t lose my cool, and yet I couldn’t help it. Now I can, even though I’m not trying to. It’s super!

Treatment has given me space to understand my triggers a little bit better too. I’m managing my emotions better, and they’re also just not coming up in the same way.